MIND YOUR Q'S
by lindencovenant
Summary: Q is sent back in time to 1970 Schooner Bay and Gull Cottage. The Ghost and Mrs. Muir have the most impossible guest ever.


**I don't own anyone in this story, but if I said who is in it, the ending would be spoiled. **

1970 Gull Cottage

It had become tradition over the past two years for Captain Gregg, the Ghost of Gull Cottage, and the lady of Gull Cottage, Carolyn Muir, to share a glass of Madeira in the evenings. The children and Martha understood that this time was sacrosanct, and only an emergency should be allowed to violate it.

But, what constitutes an emergency?

A soft knock came at the door of the wheelhouse, a.k.a., the attic, one dark, winter afternoon. On the other side, the two adults could hear a muted argument going on.

"It's not an emergency," Candy was insisting. "Mom'll be mad, Jonathan."

"But it's weird!" her younger brother stated.

With a gesture, the handsome spirit opened the door. The children jumped, startled.

"Hi, Mom," Candy flushed. "Hi, Captain."

"Hi, Mom. Hi, Captain," Jonathan echoed.

"What's wrong, kids?" Carolyn asked.

The two children exchanged uncertain glances, then Candy spoke up. "Mom, there's a weird guy out front."

"Candy, you really shouldn't talk about Claymore like that," Carolyn scolded gently.

Stroking his beard, Captain Gregg chuckled. "I'll run him off in a trice."

"It's not Claymore," Candy quickly said. "He's dressed really funny, whoever he is."

"And he's sitting in the monkey puzzle tree," Jonathan added helpfully.

The two adults were on their feet in a second. The Captain took the glasses and set them down on the coffee table. "Wait here. Whoever it is, will be removed forthwith," he instructed firmly. From somewhere, a saber appeared in his hand.

"Captain!" Carolyn exclaimed. "You can't. Don't - dematerialize, please."

"Madam, I intend to defend my home and this family from all intruders," he intoned.

"Remember Paul Wilkie?" she asked. "What if it's another ghost chaser? We'll have to go through all that again. I'll handle whoever it is."

"I can not allow- " the ghost began heatedly, then relented. "Very well. We will both go."

"Stay here, kids," Carolyn instructed.

Martha met her employer and the ghost at the foot of the stairs. "I don't know whether to call the constable or not," the housekeeper fretted. "If it's anything to do with ghosts..."

"We'll handle it, Martha," Carolyn assured her. "Could it be Elroy?"

"The children would have recognized him," Daniel shook his head as the three trooped outside.

At the foot of the monkey puzzle tree, the family dog, Scruffy, was looking up and growling menacingly at a tall, dark haired man in some sort of pajama-like outfit. The man glared down at the dog. When he spied the two women; (Captain Gregg was now invisible), he sighed dramatically. "I thought you'd never get out here. That little hairy menace is most unwilling to let me come down from here, and this is not the most comfortable of trees."

"I'm not sure we'll let you down either, until the police get here," Carolyn retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. "Who are you, and what are you doing in our tree?"

"I am Q," the man said, impossibly rising to stand on a branch to execute a sweeping bow. "And I am in this monstrosity of a tree because the Continuum has an appalling sense of humor and dumped me in this backwater timeline on this third rate planet."

"I'll call Ed to get the butterfly net," Martha said.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Q said. "If you do, I will be forced to tell him about the ghost standing behind you waving an antiquated, overgrown knife around. Does he have a permit to carry that?"

"Madam, I assure you, I am invisible. He should not be able to see me," Daniel said in amazement.

"Well, I'm hardly human. And I am not permitted to harm any living being, or dead one either, so there is no need to call any local militia. I'm perfectly harmless. That's why I can't get out of this tree. I would have to harm that fur-ball, and that would result in more demerits, something I do NOT need. However, if forced to defend myself from unjust apprehension, I will risk it." He paused, then added, "Oh, that's right. You do value politeness. Please, let me down from here."

"It might be a good idea to hear him out," Daniel frowned. "I confess to having my interest in finding out what he's rambling on about piqued."

Trusting that her ghost could do something about this lunatic if need be, Carolyn gathered up the little dog. "Okay, come on down, whoever you are."

"I told you, I am Q." On that note, he scrambled down nimbly. "Please, let's go inside and I will explain my purpose in coming here."

When they were inside, Q assumed the role of host. "Sit, sit. This is a fascinating tale. I am Q, a being that is so far advanced that you can not even begin to comprehend what I am. Several centuries in your future, I began to observe and interact with a group of humans, trying to keep them out of trouble, much like you would tell those two children upstairs not to play in the road. At times, my methods were harsh. The Continuum thought I was unduly so, and in an effort to teach me- what was that word- compassion, yes, I was exiled to this time period to learn my lesson."

"Your lesson?" Daniel asked a heartbeat before Carolyn could.

"Oh for heaven's sake! Jean-Luc was not so thick. Has being dead affected your wits? To be compassionate. Kind to lesser beings."

"I'd say you haven't made much progress," Martha sniffed.

"I just got here, now didn't I?" their uninvited guest replied.

"Well- er - Mr. Q," Carolyn began tactfully. "You have to admit, this is a very far fetched - tale you have told."

"If I were just an ordinary human," he made the last word a sneer, "could I see your hirsute friend there? No. Nor could I do this." With a snap of his fingers, his pajamas became a suit and tie. Frowning, he noted, "Dismal attire. This is not a good time period for men's clothing. I'm sure that was all part of the joke. Honestly, so I interfered with Jean-Luc's ship, and tried to have a relationship with Janeway. Is that so terrible? And the Borg, well, that was perhaps going a bit far, but they would have arrived eventually anyway."

Martha got to her feet. "I'm calling Ed." This guy was a nut, and scary. She didn't know how he'd changed clothes, but Ed could figure that out.

"On what?" Q asked as the phone vanished. "Really, I mean you no harm. The sooner you help me learn to be a better Q, I will be recalled home and your pitiful lives can go back to their state of ennui."

Anger, insulted pride, amazement, and fear rushed through Carolyn, but she felt trapped. Whatever this Q was, she felt like she had little choice but to agree. "W-what do we need to do to - h-help you?"

"Simply let me observe you, help you. I promise, you will hardly notice me, and if you do you will find me- so valuable to your existence that you will hate to see me go. But go I shall, and the sooner the better."

"Do you require a room?" Martha asked.

Q grimaced. "Unfortunately, yes. My powers have been curtailed somewhat, so I will have to eat and sleep and all those other quaint things that you humans do. It's so- demeaning. Fortunately, I have experienced this before, so I do know what it involves."

"Fine, I'll go make up the guest room," Martha sighed.

"I'll go with you," Q said brightly. Martha shrugged. She doubted she could stop him after all.

As they headed upstairs, they found the kids at the top, trying to hear.

"Oh, children. There were children on the Enterprise, too. I can deal with that," Q noted.

"Martha..." Candy said, not sure what she needed to ask.

"You are Candace Muir. That's Jonathan," Q said. "Your mother is Carolyn Muir. Your ghost is Daniel Alexander Elias Gregg. The domestic is Martha Grant, and the fuzzy canine is Scruffy. I have curtailed omniscience, you see."

"This is Q. He's our guest," Martha explained grimly. "And, Q, first lesson. Calling someone a domestic is not compassionate or kind."

"Duly noted, thank you."

The kids' eyes got wide. "He's weird," Jonathan announced.

"I don't believe that is kind, either," Q frowned.

"Unfortunately, he's right," Martha sighed. "Jonathan, even if someone is weird, you can't tell them."

"Okay."

By silent accord, the kids followed Martha and Q to the guestroom.

"Do you have - luggage?" Martha asked.

"Why? I can just-" Q said, and changed clothes again. "Is that the bed?"

"Uh huh."

"Pitiful. Looks like a torture device." With a flash, it was transformed into something that looked like the Jetsons might have designed it. "That's better." Then, he frowned. "But, it looks out of place in this room." In another flash, the room matched the bed.

"Mom says you should accept what your host offers and not gripe," Candy said.

"But I'm improving things. That is helpful," Q argued.

"Kids, you have homework to do," Martha said.

"Kids, would you like A's- or whatever the highest grade on your paper is?" Q asked.

"Who wouldn't?" Jonathan returned.

"Well, you will find your assignments done, perfectly," the being smirked. "Just say, thank you, Uncle Q."

Wide eyed, the kids chorused, "Thanks, - er- Uncle Q!" and raced to see if the blank papers had indeed changed.

Looking satisfied, Q popped to the bed, sprawling across it. "I think I'm doing marvelously. I'll be out of here in no time. Of course, time is meaningless, but can be interminable as well. You can keep the furniture. My gift. Why, I bet I'm recalled by breakfast or whatever the next meal is."

"Well, if you're still here, it's at seven a.m., " Martha replied.

"Thank you. Oh, I'm so good at this."

Closing the door, she went back down to find the ghost and Mrs. Muir discussing things.

"So far, he's insulted me, apologized, redecorated the guest room, and done the kids' homework."

Thunder rattled. "He did what?" Carolyn and the Captain said in unison.

"I decorated that room myself," Daniel fumed.

"He can not interfere with my children," Carolyn snapped.

Together, Captain Gregg and Mrs. Muir headed upstairs, grimly determined to set their unwanted guest straight.

"Is it time to dine already? It seems I've just lain down," Q noted blandly. "Excellent. I would like to begin with Romulan ale or Altaran champagne, then some Denebean quail-"

"You are not going to be here long enough to eat bread and water, much less all that- stuff I've never heard of!" Carolyn exploded. "How dare you-"

"Now, now, Mrs. Muir, may I call you Carolyn? Carolyn, don't end a sentence with a preposition. What kind of grammatical example are you setting for those impressionable young minds?"

"My children are one of the reasons you are leaving. You had no right to just do their homework for them- they are supposed to be learning," Carolyn snapped. "Having you or anyone do their work is not teaching them anything."

"But I can teach them so much more than your paltry Terran schools. Why, I've seen the other side of the galaxy, the other side of the universe, even. Other universes. Now, if you'll just show me to the holo-deck, I can recreate any historical or literary event to the minutest detail. That would be a real lesson, would you not agree?" the being smiled benignly.

"Sir, I will have you know that my decks are not hollow, they are solid and sound!" Daniel contradicted him. "Furthermore, this room was in excellent condition. I decorated it myself, and I want my room back! Now."

"Honestly, you can not expect me to stay in such a provincial setting," Q sniffed. "However, if you don't appreciate my refined taste, when I leave, I will have it returned to its dreary status. No holo-deck? What do you do for amusement then?"

"Why would hollow floors be amusing?" Carolyn frowned.

"A holo-deck, my good woman, is an entertainment area in which any sort of scenario can be played out. Virtual reality, as it were. It took up a whole deck of Jean-Luc's ship. Quite amusing, in a droll way. Rather a good effort, for humans. Or Klingons, or whatever else might be onboard at the time," Q explained in a tone of labored patience. "I would attempt to bring one here, but I'm not permitted to bring anything that large. Just small items, like decent furniture. "

Carolyn and the Captain exchanged incredulous looks. This - this- person just did not get it. Moreover, they had a feeling that they could talk themselves blue in the face, and he would still not get it.

"If you are staying here, there are rules," Carolyn collected herself enough to say flatly. "I'm sure that your- Continuum- meant for you to learn to deal with rules, so this should help your endeavor. First off, you do not interfere with my children's upbringing. They answer to Martha, the Captain, and myself. You are not to harm anyone. You do not redecorate anything else, and you will undo whatever it is you've done to this room when you leave. We can not get you Romulan ale or any of the rest. You'll have to make do with what we have. We were not planning on a guest of any sort, much less you, and so we can not be expected to reorder our lives to accommodate you. Is that clear?"

Q stared at her. "If I had my full powers-"

"You would not be here at all," Daniel reminded him smoothly. "Now, it would seem to me that it would be to your benefit to try and learn what you came here to learn and then you can be on your way. Yes?"

The being's face darkened in anger, but he nodded curtly. "You have a point. However, I would like to make one as well. Is being so - authoritarian and inhospitable compassionate?"

Thunder rattled the windows, and Carolyn looked as if she might choke.

"These are extraordinary - circumstances, and - " she began, breaking off, unsure of how to justify her anger. "Point taken, but some allowances for humanity must be made. Now, I need to go downstairs."

Turning on her heel, Mrs. Muir walked back downstairs, Daniel following a polite distance behind after favoring Q with a glare that would have scared two decades off of Claymore's life.

"I believe our quiet afternoon is- shot- as the children would say," Daniel observed, tugging his earlobe.

"Quite," Carolyn nodded. Sniffing the air, she added, "I wonder how Q will like Martha's clam chowder?"

"Have you a plan on how to deal with that -- thing?" Daniel asked. "I fear my usual method of dealing with intruders will be most ineffective in this case."

Carolyn grimaced. "All we can do is- be- nice." She reviewed the conversation mentally. "Until it's time not to be, that is."

XXX

"What is - this- substance?" their unwanted guest asked as he peered at Martha's clam chowder.

"Clam chowder, cornbread, and green salad," the housekeeper explained.

Warned ahead of time not to make any sort of negative comment, Candy and Jonathan bit back the amazed comments they wanted to make.

Frowning, Q tasted it, only to have his scowl deepen. He peered at Daniel accusingly. "Why isn't he eating?"

"Ghosts do not eat, though I would gladly partake of Martha's excellent cooking, had I the ability," the Captain informed him.

Q waved a hand. "Then, do so."

Pulling one ear, the ghost tried again. "Sir, I can not."

"If I say so, you can. You still exist; your form is simply in a plasmic state. Converting it to solid, or converting - this - stuff - into that state is simple. Which do you prefer? I move the food, such as it is, to your state or you to solid state?"

Temptation prickled at Daniel's mind, but he knew what was right. "I can not live here in a corporeal status, at least not while the only guest room is occupied."

"I can move you back and forth." Q snapped his fingers. "Now, sit down. If I have to eat this, everyone has to."

A bowl appeared in front of Daniel. Tentatively, the ghost took a bite. "You are as fine a cook as I imagined you would be, Martha," he announced, hoping to offset Q's complaints with the truth.

"Thank you, Captain," Martha said.

Carolyn's eyes grew wide. "You're- really-"

"I will change him back shortly," Q promised. "Stars know I would not offend your prurient mortal morality."

"I was simply asking," the widow replied tensely, taking a spoonful of her own soup. "Captain, would you pass me the pepper, please?"

"Certainly," he said. For a moment, he concentrated, but nothing happened. Disconcerted, the Captain paused, then picked up the shaker and handed it to her. As she took it, thanking him, their fingers brushed for a second, achieving her real purpose.

All too soon, the meal ended, and Daniel was returned to his former status.

"Now, if you really want to learn about being helpful, kind, etc, then give me a hand with the dishes," Martha suggested.

"Me? Do menial labor?" Q asked, then laughed. "How droll. Mrs. Muir, your servant could become a - what was the term? - Ah- stand-up comic."

We'll help, Martha," Candy said, giving her brother a look that said _please agree with me_.

"Yeah, we'll help," Jonathan nodded.

Carolyn, Daniel, and Q went to the living room. After only a short time, Carolyn announced she was tired and wanted to retire. Q was petulant, but realized Daniel did not need sleep and could stay up and entertain him.

For the ghost, it was a very long night.

XXX

If Daniel was hoping to be given the chance to have Martha's waffles in the morning, he was disappointed. Q simply decided to import his own meal, complete with fine china and candles.

"Where are those two going?" he demanded as Jonathan and Candy headed to the door so Mrs. Coburn could pick them up for the carpool.

"School," Carolyn replied. "And, I'm going upstairs to work."

"No," Q said.

"Pardon?" Mrs. Muir asked.

"Since I am in a generous mood, then you are pardoned. No, the children are not going to school, and you do not need to work. Your jobs are to educate me, and that takes priority."

Normally, the kids might have said "yay" to the idea of an unexpected vacation. However, they had been looking forward to getting away from the resident nutcase.

"We've gotta go to school, er- sir," Candy said. "Or we'll get in trouble. And so will Mom."

"Uh - huh," Jonathan agreed. "Big trouble. Mr. Peavey might have to arrest us."

Q frowned. "Oh, very well. Go on. These three will suffice, I suppose."

Carolyn kissed her children good-bye, wishing she could grab the Captain, Martha, and Scruffy and go with them.

"Now, what is your work?" Q asked.

"I'm a writer," Carolyn said. "The Captain and I are working on his memoirs."

"Oh? Well, would you like a really good story?" Q asked. "One that would make so much lucre a Ferrengi would be envious? Of course you would. Good. We'll get right on it."

"Right on what?" Carolyn asked, having a feeling she knew.

"My story." A giant scroll and pen appeared in Carolyn's hands. "Now, it all began - oh, two, no make that one, eon ago. Everyone says I don't look a day over an eon."

"Are you sure that mere mortals can - appreciate your epic story?" Daniel asked, seeing the panic in his lady's eyes.

Q considered this. "Hmm. Excellent point. Especially at this juncture in history. You all are so - so- immature. You haven't even encountered one alien race yet. Barely gotten to your own moon. " Tapping one finger on his chin, Q nodded. "Yes, good woman, you show amazing perception for one of your primitive race." He sighed. "Such a pity. It would be a fascinating tale, but on the other hand, it could cause explosions in these puny, human brains." He got up and began pacing up the wall. "Still, I am here, as boring as this place is, and need to do something."

"I thought you had an assignment," the ghost said.

"Oh, yes. But, how does one go about such things? Really. Especially one like moi? You really couldn't possibly understand. Hmm. If I restrain myself, perhaps I could tell you the most recent of my history, so you can get a feel of who I am, and thereby help me all the better? Yes, that is an excellent plan. But, you don't need paper for that." The scroll and pen vanished. "The year was Stardate..." Q began.

Two hours later, Carolyn insisted that she had bills to pay and really did need to get to work. However, she would have to type up the article for Redbook instead of working on the memoirs. It had sold, and the memoirs had not yet.

XXX

After an hour's work, Carolyn felt stiff and restless, but did not want to face Q again. Feeling slightly like a criminal, she slipped outside, unseen, she thought, until the Captain fell into step beside her on the beach.

"I'm so glad it's you," she sighed. "Please tell me yesterday and today have been a dream, a nightmare, rather?"

"My dear, I do wish I could," the ghost smiled. "However, I do not dream, and I am experiencing this as well."

"I was afraid you'd say that." They shuffled along in companionable silence for a few steps, then she shook her head. "I'd rather have Claymore back with his slipped disk than this."

"I'll catch the frogs," the ghost agreed. "When you abandoned me, though I do not blame you one bit for doing so, he wanted to play chess. Not just any chess, tri-level chess."

"I've never heard of it."

"Apparently it will be invented in a century or two. Intriguing game, but I prefer a single level, with a different partner."

"I wonder how long this will last?" Carolyn mused. "Should I send the kids to Philly? I don't think Q will hurt them, but this can't be good for them."

"I would hate to see you all leave, but would understand," the ghost said stiffly. "This is - " he scratched his ear, "I'm not sure what this is, but I would not want to make my home in it. Never fear, Claymore will let you leave, if that is what you want."

Carolyn shook her head. "Just the kids, Scruffy, and Martha, if she wants. I won't leave you here with him. I don't want them to go, but, it might be best."

"Madam..."

"My mind is made up," she said firmly.

"Well, they can't go," a new voice said. "I won't let them. How can I learn to be - nice- if there's no one here to be nice to?"

The Captain and Mrs. Muir turned to see Q walking a few feet behind them, dressed in a wide brimmed hat, shorts, thongs, and a gaudy shirt.

"Part of being nice is letting people have their privacy, to talk in peace," Carolyn said tightly.

"But you were discussing me, so it is my business," the alien insisted.

"If we promise to change subjects, will you go back inside?" Daniel asked pleasantly.

"No. I like this beach. It's rather nice, for Earth, that is. Though, it is terribly corrupted. Humans have really spoiled this planet. Pollution, noise, grime, crime. It's horrible."

Carolyn's eyes widened slightly. She had had a conversation much like this once with the Captain, and would grant that both had a point, but she did not want to say so. "It's the price of progress."

Q peered at her over his sunglasses. "Really? Why is it that humans destroy to progress? It seems rather to be taking one step forward then stepping back."

Carolyn shook her head. "It's the only way we know, so far. If you find it so terrible, then why don't you go to the world leaders and suggest changes?"

"Because I am not allowed to interfere in the timeline," he explained as if to a small child. "Besides, you humans are so hard-headed and thick-witted, it would be a waste of time, and breath, if I breathed."

"Well, I can't change things either," Carolyn said, hoping that closed this thread.

"True. I see you've left off your work, so you can listen to the rest of my story." Before Carolyn could roll her eyes, the being frowned. "No, you can't. You," he pointed at Daniel, "vanish. There's another human coming up the road, headed to Gull Cottage. Given how isolated this place is, I doubt he or she is coming anywhere but here."

Carolyn moaned. "Blast. Ed's coming to clean the gutters and chimney." As Daniel shifted to be visible only to her, she glared at Q. "Behave yourself. It took a lot to get Mister Peavey to be willing to come out here without making us pay a - a - terror tax, so don't undo all of that, okay?"

"Moi?" Q blinked. "I will be the soul of congeniality."

Carolyn gave him the look she'd give one of the kids that promised dire consequences if that was not true, then began the trek up to Gull Cottage where she and Q met Ed.

"Afternoon, Miz Muir," the painter said, tipping his cap. He favored her guest with a curious look.

"I'm- " Q began, extending one hand.

"An out- of -town guest," Carolyn cut in. "He's here to give me a story."

Ed accepted this with a nod. "Gotcha. Don't suppose Martha's made any cherry pie, lately, has she?"

"She might have, then again, she might not have," Carolyn found herself grinning. "Just have to wait and see." Taking a deep breath, she turned to look at Q. "Now, we should get back to work. Your story is very long, and Ed has a lot to do, so we'd better let him get to it."

"It was nice to meet you," Q nodded, his expression almost yelling _See, I can be nice. _"Just let me know if you need help."

"Don't spect I will," Ed shrugged. "Ladder still in your tool shed, Miz Muir?"

"Right where you left it last."

"Right then," Ed said, then proceeded to work.

"I think I'll get back to work as well," Carolyn said when Ed was out of earshot.

"And what am I supposed to do?" Q asked.

"Read something. Watch television," Carolyn suggested.

"I've read everything in the house," Q pouted. "And the programs available are abysmally dull."

"I'm sorry I can be of no assistance," Daniel said. "But there is a mandatory meeting of my spectral fraternity in ten minutes. I dare not miss it."

With a glance to make sure that Ed was not close enough to hear, Carolyn softly said, "Yes, you mentioned it last week. I remember."

Q raised on brow. "Spectral fraternity? That sounds interesting. But, really, what could they do if you missed it? Return you to life? I doubt it."

"It is a matter of honor, and do keep your voice down," Captain Gregg scowled. "Peavey has only recently been convinced that there is no otherworldly threat about which to be alarmed here. I prefer to keep it that way."

"Ha." Q rocked on his heels, then brightened. "I think I'll go with you. It sounds like fun. What's the appropriate attire? Chains?"

"It is for ghosts only," the Captain growled. "You do not qualify."

"And how will you stop me? It will be much easier to let me come along with you, I'll just follow anyway."

"BLAST!" Daniel snapped, popping out with Q right behind him.

Carolyn cast a worried look at the blank spots in which the two men had been, but learned nothing. Shaking her head, she went back to her article.

An hour later, Daniel appeared at her desk. Seeing his grim look, Mrs. Muir asked rapidly, "What's wrong? And where-?"

"Downstairs, eating cherry pie with Ed." Daniel sighed deeply enough to rattle her papers. "I've been suspended from my fraternity for the next year. He turned the meeting into sheer chaos. Interrupted every speaker with the most condescending questions imaginable. Furthermore, his - energy vibrations on the ethereal plane are quite discordant. There was a constant, high-pitched whine emitting from his presence. It was most distracting, and painful." He shook his head and took a seat. "Blast it."

"Could you explain that you didn't want to bring him along?" Mrs. Muir asked.

"I tried, but I was already on uncertain footing. Some of the older spirits think I have gone soft. This was simply one more thing."

"I'm so sorry, Captain. The children and I never meant to -"

Daniel looked up, meeting her gaze directly, making Carolyn's breath catch. "Dear lady, I believe whoever assessed me thus was either highly mistaken, lying due to jealousy, or both. I do not regret having your family in my house." His frown returned. "I do regret having that - person in it, though. Blast it, how much longer must we endure this torture?"

"It sounds like he is certainly NOT learning anything about kindness or consideration," Carolyn grimaced. "My nerves are shot. Just look at all the typos I've made. You know, he rambled on about someone named Picard. I wish we could get in touch with him and find out how to handle Q."

"Travel to the future is not one of my abilities," Daniel admitted.

"Did- you still have all of them, don't you? The fraternity can't - remove your powers, can they?" Carolyn fretted.

He shook his head. "No. I simply will not be allowed to have conversation with my fellow spirits for a time. You'll have to put up with me a little more."

"That is no hardship," Carolyn affirmed. "But, I am sorry."

"It is not you who should apologize."

"Yeah, but he won't," Mrs. Muir sighed.

XXX

Just after dinner, the phone rang. When Carolyn answered it, she heard, "M-Mrs. Muir? Claymore Gregg here. I- I was wondering- is you know who still there? Or has he - gone poof?"

"How did you find out about him? The redecoration will be undone, I promise, Claymore. I just don't know when," she replied, thinking about Q.

"Redecoration? Mrs. Muir, what are you talking about?" Now, Claymore sounded irate. "Is the Captain still there or not?"

Having heard the word "Claymore," Daniel had popped over to eavesdrop. "Of course I'm still here, you numbwit. Where else would I be?" he snapped over Carolyn's shoulder.

"EEEK," Claymore squealed into Carolyn's ear. "Er- well, I saw Mr. Peavey in town and he told me a guy was staying at Gull Cottage, and I didn't think the Captain would let that happen, so I - permitted myself just a smidgen of hope. So, there isn't a guy? And what do you mean - redecorating? Mrs. Muir, did you learn nothing from the whole chart rack, couch, TREE incident? Please, tell me you haven't removed anything. You really should have gotten my -er - his permission. My permission. Someone's."

"And you would know about antique removal, wouldn't you," Daniel snarled.

"Do you want to talk to each other?" Carolyn asked. "I don't particularly like being right in the middle here."

"No," Daniel said decisively.

"No!" Claymore echoed, too loudly. "But, Mrs. Muir, the antiques-"

Closing her eyes, Carolyn Muir tried to think of a way to explain this. "Claymore, I was not the one who removed them, but have been assured they will be returned, when our guest moves out. I really had no say in the matter."

"Mrs. Muir, I simply do not understand- wait- did old spook-face let you have guests? A guy at that? Is he- well?"

"It's - Claymore, why don't you just come over and we'll introduce you and explain," Carolyn sighed. "It's very complicated."

"Will- HE let me? I don't like coming out to that house, you know? I'd rather not, so couldn't you explain now?" the little man twittered. "Please?"

"Trust me, you would not believe me unless you saw this for yourself."

A long, wheezing sigh later, Claymore said, "Okay. Okay. If you promise HE won't hurt me."

Carolyn's eyes cut to the Captain. Grimacing, he nodded. "Let the simpleton come over. I will not hurt him."

"Did you hear that?" she asked.

"I'll be right there."

As she hung up, Q was watching. "Tell me, is it considered nice to yell at humans? Or to address them as numbwit or simpleton?"

"Claymore would be hurt if I did not yell at him," Daniel smiled. "He expects it. He was quite distressed at the thought of me not being myself."

Q lifted on eyebrow. Then ruined the skeptical look by saying, "Hmm. I think I did that better than a Vulcan."

"What's a Vulcan?" Candy asked as she and Jonathan came out of the kitchen where they'd been helping Martha do the dishes.

"Oh, a race of terribly logical, but quite vain in a "we are not vain because that's an emotion and we do not have emotions" sort of way, race of aliens that your people will meet in the next century or so," Q explained.

"Everyone has emotions," Martha frowned. "I still think that you would learn a lot from dishwashing."

"What? And get dishpan hands? Or do you use Palmolive? I have watched some of that box over there, and know for a fact that if you use Palmolive, you will get soft hands," Q chanted.

"I use whatever the general store has on sale," Martha said dryly. "Sometimes, that means whatever is in stock. The selection does not always include Palmolive."

"Well, when it does, I will help. But, if I get red, painful hands, I'll be the laughingstock of all the Q."

"Of yourself?" Jonathan asked.

"No, the other Q. There's many of us. We are all the Q," Q replied.

"Doesn't that get confusing?" Candy asked. "If Jonathan and I had the same name, and Mom wanted one of us, but not the other and just said that name, she might not get the right kid."

"But human ears can not hear the subtle difference between when I say Q and Q, can you? No, it sounds like the same word, but in fact, it is not. There is a tone's worth of difference between the two, and so the right Q would answer, if he saw fit."

"Which, of course, he would if it was his mother," Daniel added. "Or his Captain."

"Aye, aye, sir," the kids saluted.

"We've got homework," Candy concluded.

"Okay," Carolyn nodded. "Bring it down for me to check over when you're done."

The kids hurried off, glad to get away from Q, Scruffy at their heels. Though they did not hear the nails on the chalkboard effect he emitted to the same extent that the spectral brotherhood did, it was something they perceived to a lesser degree.

"And I need to finish fixing the hems in their clothes," Martha said. "Candy's grown an inch, so the skirt on that jumper that was too long last year needs to be re-lowered, and Jonathan's newest pants need to be shortened."

"The boy could be made taller," Q commented.

"No," Carolyn stated.

"Very well." The alien waved one hand. "You'll find the hems adjusted. You can sit here and help those two and the one coming entertain me."

"One coming?" Martha asked.

"Claymore heard about our guest and the redecorating," Captain Gregg said pleasantly. "He's not happy."

"I didn't think he would be," Martha nodded, settling down to wait.

XXX

In record time, Claymore arrived. "Okay, now what is this about my house being redecorated without my permission?" he asked angrily.

"Not very polite is he?" Q noted. "Unless I'm missing something."

"You aren't," Daniel admitted. "Allow me to politely introduce you. Claymore, this is Q. Q, Claymore, my heir of record, though he is not related to me. Claymore, dear boy, Q decorated the spare room to suit his particular needs. I believe you need to discuss the matter with him."

"What kind of name is Q?" Claymore asked, adjusting his glasses to get a better look at the stranger. "Is it one of those hippie names? What? Did you hang beads and replace the bed with - some kind of sleeping bag or exotic pillows? I'll have you know, those are fine, valuable antiques, and if you've removed them, they must be paid for."

Q looked at the ghost. "Does he shut up?"

"I've been trying to learn how to make him for twenty years," the Captain sighed. "This is how not to behave. If you wondered."

"Ahem! Don't ignore me," Claymore commanded. "Why aren't you fussing and thundering? It is your furniture, as you remind me so often."

"Because I know it will be returned, and it would do no good in any case," the ghost said, trying to be diplomatic.

"Something is weird here," Claymore frowned. "Mrs. Muir, you promised to explain."

"May I?" Carolyn asked.

"Allow me," Q said. "I am Q, a member of the Continuum. Due to a difference of opinion with the other Q, I have been exiled to this backwater time period to learn how to be nice. Mrs. Muir and the Captain have the honor of being my hosts."

"You want him to teach you to be nice?" Claymore blinked.

"Yes!" Daniel barked.

Claymore flinched. "Do- do you mean you're an alien? A little green man? From Mars or -"

Q rolled his eyes. "I had forgotten how very - dense - humans of this particular era, no- of any era, can be. Do I appear to be a little green man. Nor am I from Mars. There is nothing worth seeing there. The nearest planet worth visiting is several hundred light years away. However, I don't live on a planet, I exist in the Continuum, usually. As I said, at present, I'm on the - outs with the senior members."

Clearly, Claymore's mind was boggled, but not so much that Daniel could not see the dollar signs dancing around in the man's bald head. "Aliens... Do you realize how much Johnny Carson or someone would pay to see that? Mrs. Muir-"

Q frowned. "If you are thinking of turning me into a spectacle, be advised, little human, that I can turn you into a frog, or a fly."

Claymore made a choking sound that defied description. "C-could he?"

"I believe it highly possible," Daniel nodded.

"W-well- we'll - forget that idea. And- and don't worry about the furniture. Do - whatever you want to, really...I need to be going. I have to - to wash my hair or something..." Claymore stammered, backing away rapidly.

"Claymore, you won't mention this to anyone?" Carolyn called out.

Shaking his head, the landlord said, "No. Not a word. I was never here. Promise. Bye."

Captain Gregg did have to admit that Q was perhaps a little better at running off Claymore than he was. Perhaps.

XXX

Thus was the pattern of the days to come set. All work was essentially halted around Gull Cottage. Martha was barely able to keep things livable, thanks to constant interruptions. When Q wasn't pestering Martha, he was preventing Carolyn from writing. She could not have concentrated in any case. Daniel's sea charts got woefully behind.

Finally, with bills to pay looming on the horizon, Carolyn put her foot down and said she had to spend a quiet afternoon writing. Daniel offered Q a game of chess in order to give her peace.

"So, Captain, your state of being must leave much to be desired. What is that much you would desire?" Q asked after making his play.

"I don't make deals with the devil," Daniel frowned.

"I'm hardly that," Q laughed. "And, I'm not offering, merely passing the time. You've heard much about me, and there is more to hear, but I would like to know more about you. So, what about it? If you could have a wish, what would it be? This place, free and clear of Claymore? A tall ship? I promise I will not use your answer against you, and your soul will remain your own."

Letting out a sigh, Daniel decided to answer. The children were outside playing with Scruffy and Martha had escaped to her sewing circle. It was just the two of them. "I would be a normal man again. One who could share the lives of the family here in all ways. That is my fondest and most impossible wish." He shook his head. "Even if I were suddenly thus, how would I explain it to anyone in town? I have no birth certificate. No way to establish a real life." Daniel moved his knight decisively.

"You would want to - degrade yourself to a material form, on a full time basis?" Q was so amazed that his next play was poorly made, allowing the Captain to check his king.

"I do not see it as degrading," the ghost said.

Q shook his head. "Incredible. You not only do not appreciate me, but you prefer to be - to be - human!"

Daniel shrugged. He could not change the truth.

In total disgust, Q vanished, leaving the game unfinished. He spent the rest of the day brooding on the roof.

XXX

At one the next day, Carolyn realized something amazing. She had been relaxed since the late morning, and Q had not pestered her once. Just as she began to smile and hope the bad dream was over, the phone rang. If it was possible for a phone ring to sound like it contained doom and gloom, that one did.

As she answered it, Martha's scream almost drowned out Mr. Hampton's fretful voice.

"I'll see to Martha, Madam," the Captain said, vanishing.

"Hello, Mr. Hampton, what can I do for you?" she asked the school principal, a feeling of dread returning to the pit of her stomach. Yet, she tried to sound pleasant and happy.

"Oh, Mrs. Muir, you're going to have to come pick up your children. They've both been," she heard the sound of a gulp, and could picture him popping an antacid, "suspended for two days."

"What?" she yelled just as Daniel's yelled the same word.

"Suspended. Jonathan contradicted his teacher, again. I thought we had that problem solved, Mrs. Muir, after the whole Ben Franklin mess; not to mention Candy's Joshua Stoddard incident. But, he interrupted Miss Stoddard to tell her she was all wrong about something to do with astronomy, then later, when he was supposed to draw a picture of - oh- what was it?- A U.S. flag, he drew an alien, or some kind of monster."

"And Candy-?" Carolyn prompted.

"Madam, I must speak to you- that - creature," Daniel announced, appearing at her side.

Frantically, she tried to shush him.

"Mr. Hampton, what did Candy do?" she said deliberately, trusting Daniel would get that her priority was her children.

"She threatened to have the Hassenhammer girl turned into a - an Andorian amphibian."

Carolyn counted to ten. "I'll be right there."

The Captain had held his peace as long as possible. "Madam, the alien has moved the guest room to the roof. Martha screamed because she nearly fell into - blank space. He wants to be closer to the stars. He moved a room!"

"Captain- I- " Carolyn was not sure what to say. "I'll deal with that when I get home. He's corrupted my children, and now they are suspended!"

Fury darkened the ghost's face and thunder shook the house.

"I second that," Mrs. Muir said, "but right now- "

"The children," Daniel nodded. "I-"

"We'll handle him together when I get home. Please?" Carolyn half asked, half stated.

"Very well, Madam."

XXX

When the rather abashed children were put in their room, which fortunately had not moved, Carolyn, Daniel, and Martha marched up to the guest room which Q had returned to its proper place to silence Daniel's yelling.

"What have I done now?" the otherworldly being drawled in a bored tone.

"Aside from rearranging the house, literally?" Martha asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "And -"

"I put the room back. If my meditations go badly and my inner harmony is out of balance for the next ten - oh- your pitiful language does NOT have the right word to express that unit of time- then it's on your heads. But at least you will have your house in order, such as it is."

"You told Jonathan that it was entirely possible for a backward race such as ours, to quote your phrasing to him, and HIS to Miss Stoddard- to defy that addled- brained Einstein fellow's rules and cross light years to encounter other species!- And he then drew a picture of them instead of his assignment. Furthermore, Candy threatened to have Penny Hassenhammer turned into a frog!" Carolyn fumed.

Totally unrepentant, Q simply looked at the trio of accusing faces. "If your son's teacher can not handle accuracy, then she should not be teaching. I told him the truth, to help his education. Your daughter commented on the way this Harpoonerlurker whatever girl teases her, so I told her I would intervene if she liked. I thought that was a kind gesture."

"What about not being allowed to hurt a human?" the Captain asked.

"It would not hurt the girl. It might improve her personality."

Carolyn counted to ten silently, then fifteen, then realized she could not count high enough to cool off. "Q- this is not working. I am sorry that you had to be - sent to - detention or whatever you want to call this, but you have harmed humans. Not physically, no, but you have completely disrupted our lives and caused my children to be suspended from school."

"I can take over their education. Of course, they will come out so far ahead of their peers that-"

"That is not the point," the Captain snapped a heartbeat ahead of Carolyn. "The point is, this situation is intolerable and must end, immediately or sooner."

Silence filled the room as Q stared at them in complete shock. "You must be joking." He paused, then had to accept that they were not. "What if I could offer you something that you would consider- wonderful. Your fondest dream. Captain Gregg could have a second go at life. Be a normal human man again, although I can not for the life of me see why that would be appealing, it would be a simple matter to rearrange energy and matter and give him a corporeal form, since he does have a soul. Just let me stay, and voila."

"Like in the dream," Mrs. Muir whispered.

It was tempting, oh so very tempting, but ...

"No," the Captain said. "What we have now is not ideal, but it is better than being indebted to you or being further inconvenienced by your presence."

Q rocked on his heels, and began pacing up the wall. "Really, I can improve. Just give me a chance."

"No," Martha spoke up. "You heard the Captain and Mrs. Muir."

Anger flashed in his eyes. "I could level this planet."

"Then you'd get in even more trouble, right?" Carolyn dared to say.

Petulance replaced rage. "Quite true. Tell you what, let's have a little contest. Jean-Luc did enjoy our little games, surely you would as well. No, hear me out. The Captain would be your household champion. The role seems to suit him. I would represent myself. We engage in a series of contests. If I win, I get to stay as long as I need to. If he wins, then I leave. And to sweeten the deal, IF I lose, then the Captain gets his corporeal existence restored, free and clear. No debt to me at all. What say you?" On that note, he changed into a suit of chain mail. "Well, what say you?"

The truth was, they really had no way to force Q to leave. For all Carolyn and the Captain's bravado, it was a bluff. This was the best shot they had, and if the Captain lost, they'd be no worse off, really.

"If the Captain wants to do this," Carolyn said.

"Want is not the precise word, dear lady," the ghost said, pulling his ear. "However, it seems a pragmatic solution."

"But, how will the playing field be level? Q has a lot of unique abilities, so does the Captain, but they don't really compare," Martha pointed out. "And who is to judge?"

Q frowned. "You make valid points." He clapped his hands together. "Hmm. The Captain will be given a physical form for the duration of the games at the least, and I will limit myself to human abilities. No powers exercised at all."

"But how do we know you would?" Martha persisted. "And who judges?"

"You do hang on to issues, don't you?" Q asked rhetorically. "Very well- we will bring in judges. Another Q can assure you that I am not using powers. In fact, he can grant the Captain's physicality so that you will know the form lacks no strength. Don't worry. I'm on the outs with the Continuum, so he won't be biased in my favor. And, we can bring in two other observers from the future who are quite unbiased."

The trio exchanged glances. "Very well," the Captain said after his lady nodded. "When does this test begin?"

"Dawn seems appropriate," Q replied. "In the tradition of knights of yore, I will spend the next interval in contemplation."

"Just don't scruff my floor with that armor, or move the blasted room," Martha shook a finger at him.

"Of course I won't," Q sighed, changing into what they would recognize as a Starfleet Admiral's uniform if they were born in another era. "But I will ask you to leave me to my meditations. I will see you at dawn."

"We'd better make it an early night then," Carolyn noted as they stepped back outside.

"Fine by me," Martha agreed.

"Indeed," the ghost nodded.

XXX

Morning came all too soon. The only reason the humans slept was that Daniel exerted a touch of his powers to force them to do so.

Right after breakfast, Q asked, "Well, are you ready to begin? It's not too late to back out, you know. There is no shame in bowing out gracefully."

"If you wish to concede defeat before you begin, be my guest," the Captain smiled thinly. "Otherwise, summon the judges."

"You rang?" a new voice asked as a blonde man appeared in the kitchen. "Hello. I'm Q2. I understand this little learning experience is not working out well, and my friend here did not tell you that one of the conditions on this lesson was that if you did not want him, he would have to leave. That was poorly done, Q."

"I wouldn't have been able to stay one hour if I'd told them that," Q sulked. "But, now that the bet has been made, it would insult the Captain's honor if I backed out."

Q2 shook his head. "I believe your logic is rather convoluted there, my friend, but as all parties have agreed to this contest, then I will preside over it...you say you want three judges?"

"Yes. For the peace of mind of the Muirs, naturally," Q nodded, completely ignoring his hosts' startled expressions.

"I wouldn't trust the Q completely after meeting you either," the second Q commented. "I know just the people." He snapped his fingers and a very tall man with pointed ears and wearing a gold shirt and black pants appeared. For a fraction of a second, he looked surprised, but the expression vanished behind a mask of impassivity.

Before he could ask, Q2 smiled cordially. "Mr. Spock, allow me to make introductions. This is Q, I'm Q2. We are members of the Continuum, your Starfleet won't encounter us for another seventy of your years. And don't fret yourself- not that a Vulcan would, your shipmates will not realize you're gone. You will be returned to the exact second in which you vanished. These others are Carolyn Muir, Candace Muir, Jonathan Muir, Martha Grant, Daniel Gregg, and Scruffy. You have been called here to help judge a contest between Q and the Captain."

"Where and when am I?" Spock asked.

"Earth. Maine, 1970," Q2 answered. "You are accepting this rather well."

"It would serve no purpose to not accept it," the alien man stated. "If you are powerful enough to transport me through time and space, and are speaking the truth of my purpose here, then it would be most efficient to serve that role and then trust you will restore me to my time and place."

"That's what I like about Vulcans, so very practical," Q2 nodded.

"You got one from the wrong Enterprise," Q snarked. "What about Data, or Jean - Luc?"

"I'd think you would realize that a member of that crew would be biased against you, my brother," Q2 retorted.

"Come on, we reached a truce, of sorts."

"Sorry," though it did not sound at all like Q2 was at all contrite. "Now, for the other judge." A wheezing sound filled the air. "He's landing out back. Would you let him in?"

Martha opened the door to find a man with curly brown hair in a Victorian morning suit standing at the door on the verge of knocking. A young woman dressed like someone from the thirties stood beside him and was saying, "Doctor, I do not think we're in Singapore."

"No, you're in Schooner Bay," Martha agreed. "That's in the United States, Maine."

"Ah. Looks like we're a bit later than when we were here last, when that radio play was scaring everyone half senseless," the man observed. "Late - twentieth century perhaps?"

"Seventy," Martha said, stepping aside to let them in.

"Forty years off," the girl sighed. "Doctor, I'm forty years late!"

"Don't worry, Charley," he smiled. "I'm the Doctor, by the way. This is Charlotte Pollard, or Charley as she insists on being called." His gaze focused on the Q and Spock. "Now, you're not from around this time, or place, I'd wager."

Hastily, Q2 explained the situation.

The Doctor's eyes grew wide. "Captain Daniel Gregg. My word, I haven't seen you in ages! Now, you ran a fine ship indeed. A fine ship!"

With a puzzled expression, the Captain rubbed his ear thoughtfully. "Your pardon, sir. I don't recall ever meeting you."

"Well, I was in a different body, at the time. A young blonde chap, sporting a celery stalk in my lapel."

"Celery?" Charley asked.

"Yes, to detect certain gases I'm highly allergic to," the Doctor explained. "However, my subsequent selves have not suffered from such a malady."

"That was you?" the Captain blinked. It was a bit hard to forget someone wearing vegetables as adornment, after all. Normally, he would have found this statement quite unbelievable, but after all, he was a ghost and had three other aliens in the house.

"Yes. It was a most enjoyable voyage."

"Oh, please, we can have old home week later," Q cut in disagreeably. "Let's get on with things. Spock wants back to his ship, Miss Pollard wants to go to Singapore, and I want to get on with my exile in peace."

"Very well," the other Q sighed. "Captain?"

"I am quite ready," the ghost acknowledged. "But first-"

"Of course," Q2 said. "Your body has been returned to you, at its prime status. Now, what will the games be? Fisticuffs?"

"No!" Q snapped.

"Oh, that's right. You are rather bad at that," the other Q recalled, prompting Q to frown.

"I would not advise any Vulcan contests, as the majority do, in fact, require that the opponents duel to the death. Not only is death not the goal in this case, but is quite probably, impossible," Spock said in measured tones.

"Don't look at me. My people are terribly boring. The only games we have are the Games of Rassilon, and those usually end in death as well, or something worse," the Doctor sighed. "Why do you think I left?"

"Maybe domino stacking? Cards house building? Arm wrestling?" Carolyn suggested. "Chess?"

After some further debate, a series of games was selected. Over the next few hours, the humans and aliens watched the Captain and Q juggle, tie knots, stack dominos, arm wrestle, shoot marbles, play jacks, build sandcastles, race, and compete for who could wash the dishes best. Although Q did have vast stores of knowledge Daniel frankly lacked, he was less used to a human form, having only used one sporadically over the eons. Still, the two men proved to be fairly evenly matched. Daniel's lead was set back when the tri-chess board was brought out. Though he was an expert player in one- dimensional chess, the seaman was still learning to play on three levels. They went through all the kids' more complicated games, such as Clue, Stratego, and backgammon, in short order after that.

Breaks were scheduled to allow Carolyn, Martha, the kids, Spock, the Doctor, and Charley to get food, drink, etc. During these times, the Vulcan and the woman from the past attempted to look around as much as they could. For one it was a chance to see history come alive, and for the other a glimpse of the future. The pauses were too brief to allow them much of a chance to look, however.

Finally, the Doctor cleared his throat for attention. "Excuse me. I will grant that I do have all the time in the world, or worlds, as the case may be, but honestly; this has been going on for twenty hours, fourteen minutes, and eight seconds! And it shows no sign of stopping. I think we must call it a draw or find a way to break the tie."

"I second that," Martha chimed in.

"Short of relying on pure chance, how do you propose to do so?" Mr. Spock asked, raising one eyebrow.

"I had not gotten that far, thank you," the Doctor noted dryly.

"Why not a game of riddles?" Carolyn suggested.

"Like in _The Hobbit_?" Candy asked through a yawn.

"The what?" Charley asked.

"It won't come out for a few more years in your time," the Doctor whispered.

"That's becoming a familiar feeling," the young woman grimaced. "I was born far too early."

"I like that idea, Mrs. Muir," Q2 said. "Is that agreeable to both of you?"

"Yes, anything to get this over with," Q grumbled.

"Fine," Captain Gregg nodded.

"Where will we get the riddles? Q's range of knowledge and the Captain's are apples and oranges almost," Martha pointed out.

"I have a book of riddles on the Tardis, published in 1855," the Doctor said. "They're based on logical deduction, not trivia and facts. May I offer it?"

Q2 nodded.

"Want me to get it, Doctor?" Charley asked.

"I know right where it is," the Gallifreyan time traveler shook his head. "I'll be just a trice. Hang on."

XXX

Carolyn's idea had been a good one, but the two men went through the entire book, and still were tied. At one point, things turned absolutely comical. The question was asked, "From whence originated the phrase 'mind your p's and q's?" Each contestant had an answer, and so did several audience members. Daniel's explanation had to do with seamen, and he was most insistent that he was correct. However, Q, quite arrogantly, asserted that in fact it was an ancient charge to always obey the Q, both coming and going, since a p looked like a backwards, lower-case q. After some argument, it was decided all were correct, and so that question was a draw. By this time, Scruffy was snoring and the kids looked on the verge of playing out as well.

Q2 frowned. This was going much worse than he had imagined it would. Someone should have won by now.

After the last page was turned, the blonde Q began pacing. "All right. Here's the tie-breaker. Mrs. Muir, young Muirs, Martha, Charley- each of you write down ONE riddle. We'll put them in a hat, and draw out one. Your Captain and Q will write down their answer to that query, whoever is correct wins, and this ends."

For a few minutes, there was silence as the humans wrote the questions. On separate papers, they wrote the question with the answer. Q2 kept these and put the question only papers in a hat also found in the Tardis, from the Doctor's Bohemian period.

"Mr. Spock, will you draw out one?" Q2 asked, passing the hat in which the papers had been collected to the Vulcan.

"Now, Doctor, would you read it?"

The Doctor unfolded the slip that Spock handed him. "Lovely penmanship. A plus."

"Doctor!" Charley reprimanded.

"Oh, right. Gentleman, the sixty-four-thousand dollar question is; What is strong enough to bear all things, to endure forever, and to change everything?" With an enigmatic smile, he handed the paper to Q2 in case the other judge wished to verify he had read it properly. Carolyn thought she saw a strange twinkle in his blue eyes, as if the Doctor knew some secret he was itching to tell.

Both opponents wrote down their responses in record time. Daniel looked just a tad nervous, and Q altogether smug.

Once again, Spock was charged with reading the answers and declaring the winner.

He studied the responses, then compared them to the matching answer key.

"We have a winner," he announced. "Q, your replied 'the Continuum'." He paused. "That is incorrect." As Q's face fell dramatically, Spock went on, "Though I find this highly illogical, the correct response was given by Captain Gregg. Love. I believe the riddle came from the Christian New Testament, Paul's First Letter to the Church at Corinth, Chapter Thirteen."

"That was my guess," the ghost beamed.

"The New Testament? Oh, please. If one must read the Bible, the Old Testament is so much more interesting. All the smiting and so forth," Q sniped. "Much more worthwhile."

"You would think so," Martha said.

"So, we won?" Jonathan asked, reviving.

Sighing profoundly, Q nodded elaborately. "Yes, yes .You won. Never let it be said I welsh on a bet. The molecules that were stabilized to reform your body are now permanently corporeal. Live," his voice turned to a sneer, "love, and enjoy your three score and ten, though I suppose it will be more like another one or two score. Now, Q, will you find a nice, quiet hole in the galaxy to exile me to so I may contemplate my sins in peace?"

The other Q smiled. "My friend, your exile has ended. Had you simply agreed to leave, your exile would simply be transferred, but by doing this extra kindness, you have earned your freedom. However, you must stay out of this time frame, and it might be wise to avoid Jean-Luc and Janeway for a few years. I need not tell you to avoid Sisko."

"The Eye of Orion is lovely this time of year," the Doctor volunteered.

"Thanks. I'll go check it out."

On that note, Q popped out in a flash of light.

Before anyone had time to relax, he was back, holding Claymore by the scruff of his neck. "I thought it was ghastly unfair to leave the Captain's only living relative out of this. Besides, he does need to know about the changes taking place."

Even Captain Gregg almost felt sorry for the little man who looked like a scared mouse as Q dumped him on the sofa beside Charley.

"Wh-what's going on? Changes? What? Who are all of you?" Claymore sputtered.

"It's a very long story, old chap," the Doctor smiled kindly. He pulled a paper bag out of a pocket that seemed too small to hold an object so large. "Jellybaby?" he asked brightly, holding out an oddly shaped, gummy candy.

"Er- thanks," Claymore gulped, not sure what else to say. "I'd rather have coffee- it's still dark out!"

"What is sleep when monumental affairs are stirring?" Q asked.

"I thought he was leaving," Martha whispered loudly to Mrs. Muir.

"So did I."

"In due time. Just tying up loose ends," Q beamed. "Now, shall you tell Claymore, or shall I? Oh, very well, I shall. Claymore, dear chap, guess what? Your uncle is now a living, breathing man. You aren't the last Gregg any longer. Isn't that outstanding? Why, you might even lose Gull Cottage."

"Erk."

"Is that all you have to say? No righteous indignation?" Q looked disappointed.

"I'm dreaming, I can't be indignant in my sleep," Claymore grumbled.

Finally, Daniel decided that he was the only one who had the right to abuse Claymore, and to rescue his supposed relative. "Claymore, while Q is not expressing things as clearly as possible, he is speaking the truth. Thanks to a bet, I have regained mortality, and would like to discuss a way to return Gull Cottage to my legal possession, when things settle down. I would also like to, perhaps, stay with you for a day or two."

Claymore's eyes grew wide and terrified.

"Why?"

The Captain sighed. "This is NOT the way I wished to do this, but M- Carolyn, will you marry me as soon as a license can be procured? I believe the delay is a few days, and it would be improper for us to reside together in my present state."

Smiling demurely, Carolyn Muir nodded. "Yes."

"Excuse me, but I can solve that problem," the Time Lord piped up. "While I was getting the riddle book, I popped back in time a few days, and got you a marriage license. So, as soon as you can get a pastor or justice of the peace, I don't suppose you can marry yourself, you and the lady may be wed."

"We got one," Martha said, pointed at Claymore.

"Terribly sure of things, weren't you?" Q scowled.

"Don't you have a vacation in Orion to attend to?" Q2 asked.

"Right. I can't stand all this sentimental nonsense in any case," Q snarled, vanishing again.

"Is he really gone this time?" Candy whispered.

Q2 looked around. "Yes. He is presently on Circarpous IV. No where near Orion, but he is gone. Now, I will return everyone else to their proper places, so you all can get on with the wedding."

"Excuse me, but I have exceeded the length of time a Vulcan can go without rest before showing signs of fatigue, and would therefore like to spend a small amount of time rejuvenating," Spock interjected. "Otherwise, my shipmates will notice something awry, even if I return to my own time at the same moment in which I was taken from it. In which instance, Dr. McCoy will feel justified in rattling his bones and totems to assess my impaired physical condition."

"And you need not return Charley and me anywhere. Long's I've got my Tardis, we can go to any place and time at all," the Doctor beamed. "I was rather hoping..." he turned puppy dog eyes on Mrs. Muir and the Captain, "might we please stay for the wedding? I haven't been to one in ever so long, and it would be a lovely change for Charley from the usual running for her life from aliens and gangsters, etc. "

"It's fine with me. Captain?" Carolyn asked, then her face softened, and she smiled. "Daniel."

"I would invite the entire world," the former ghost shouted, waking Scruffy, who barked. "You are welcome to attend as well, Mr. Spock."

"Thank you. I would like to look around. This is an extremely good opportunity to see a historical building in person. Such building artistry does not exist in the time from which I come."

"That is tragic," the Captain said. "I need to go up and see if any of my clothes still fit, and would do for a wedding. You said you needed rest..."

"An hour of meditation."

"It will take me more than an hour to get Mrs. Muir ready," Martha said, taking charge. "Mr. Q- can you pop up a wedding gown?"

"Certainly. And attire for everyone," the being shrugged. "Just name it. It is the least the Continuum can do for you all after importuning you for so long." With a flash of light, a pile of clothes appeared.

"I would like time to bathe and so forth," Carolyn said.

"I'll show Mr. Spock the guest room," Martha offered. "The Doctor can change in -"

"Charley and I have rooms in the Tardis. We can handle ourselves," he smiled. "But, my thanks. Just let us know when you're ready for the tour to begin, I'm anxious to take a gander as well."

"What is this Tardis you keep talking about? A cosmic gypsy wagon?" Martha asked. On threshold heading to the stairs, Carolyn stopped to hear the answer, as did the kids, who had followed her.

"It's..." Charley began.

"Much easier to show you," the Doctor laughed. "Which I will gladly do. One good tour deserves another. In fact, I could take you two on a honeymoon trip to any planet or era in the universe."

"U-universe?" Claymore gulped. "Would someone tell me what is going on? All of it?"

Q2 waved everyone else away. "Go on and get yourselves ready. I'll brief Mr. Gregg."

XXX

Fifty- nine minutes, fifty- nine- point- nine seconds later, Mr. Spock was ready for his tour.

They started with the Tardis. Daniel, the kids, and the Vulcan trooped out back to stare in amazement at the police box sitting in the yard. Charley opened the door to let them in, though for their lives, none of them could see how on Earth they would all fit.

A strange sensation passed over them as they entered a vast, wood paneled room with futuristic lights and machines. Spock raised one brow. "Fascinating. It would appear that this vehicle is dimensionally transcendental, in other words, larger inside than it is on the outside."

"Exactly!" the Doctor clapped his hands, then lead them through a maze of rooms. Then, it was decided that even though there were a hundred rooms left to see, it might be wise to return and look over Gull Cottage.

As the group passed Carolyn's desk, Spock stopped. Cocking his head to one side, the alien almost frowned as he stared at a photo. "That woman is familiar looking."

"That's my Grandma Williams," Candy said. "Mom's mom."

"She bears a most striking resemblance to my own mother," Spock noted.

"There is an excellent reason for that," the Doctor said before Daniel could speak.

"And what would that be?" the Captain asked.

"The story actually starts - oh, in your day, Captain Gregg," the grinning man replied. "Do you recall the Bolt brothers?"

"Yes," Daniel nodded. "They had the idea to bring a hundred women to their town as wives for the loggers. If they failed to marry them all off, a Mr. Stempel would win some bet with them. They approached me to cart the women there, but my ship was in dry-dock for repairs."

"Well, Aaron Stempel wound up helping them win the bet when he married Biddie Cloom," the Doctor said, catching the startled flicker in Spock's eye. Another trek in time had allowed Spock to witness those events. "Aaron and Biddie's daughter married Jason Bolt's son. He married a young lady named Annette when it was clear that he would not have to marry one of the brides in order to save the town and mountain from repossession. They, that is Jason's son and Aaron's girl, named their first daughter Candy, after an aunt on Jason's side. That daughter's daughter was Emily Williams, after she married Brad, of course, and their child is Carolyn."

"That would make Mrs. Muir my..." Spock began.

"Many times over great grandmother," the Doctor nodded. "However, neither Jonathan nor Candy is your ancestor. In about a year, if I judge the time correctly, Charlotte Gregg will be born, and in a couple of hundred years, her descendant will be your mother, Mr. Spock."

"Wow!" Candy gasped.

"I'd rather have a little brother," Jonathan sighed.

"I did not say she was the only child born to your mother and step-father," the Doctor replied with a tiny smile.

"Doctor, what about interfering in history?" Charley asked, suppressing her pleased smile at hearing the child to be's name.

"Charley, it will happen. I'm not exactly changing things."

"Are you all ready? I think I've got the JP calmed down," Q2 asked, appearing beside them. "By the way, I quizzed him on what sort of forms needed to be filled out and so on to give the Captain legal status, and manufactured them. Now, Doctor, if you wouldn't mind, when this is over, could you pop back about forty years and file this birth certificate, etc?"

"I've waited a hundred years for this wedding. Yes," Daniel stated decisively. "We do need to -"

Just as he said "change" there was a flash and everyone's clothes transformed to wedding attire.

"We are ready," he smiled as Martha began playing the wedding music.

Epilog

As a wedding gift, the Doctor took Daniel and Carolyn back to 1870 so that Carolyn could see her husband's time and even step on one of his ships, but without the risk of meeting him in his first life and thereby creating a time paradox. In all, Captain Gregg and his lady spent two weeks in 1870, and returned ten seconds after leaving for their honeymoon.

In a fit of goodwill, Q altered the children's school records so that they were counted absent for two days, but not suspended, thus allowing them to make up their missed work and suffer no blot on their records. He also restored Captain Gregg's furniture.

By some strange chance, a will that had been missing for a century was found in an ancient metal box in the very back of the Schooner Bay Savings and Loan's vaults. It left Gull Cottage to any descendant of the Gregg line who married a scion of Aaron Stempel's. It took six months to prove that Daniel Gregg IV and Carolyn Williams Muir Gregg fulfilled those stipulations, but by the time Charlotte Gregg and her twin brother Paul, after the saint, were born, exactly one year after the contest, Daniel owned his house free and clear.

Mr. Spock was popped back into his life point zero- one seconds after he left. No one realized that he had been gone, though Bones McCoy was almost certain that his friendly nemesis was almost cheerful in his own way for some time after that.

Charley never got to Singapore, but she did enjoy her stay with the Doctor, until he regenerated into the Ninth Doctor and left to fight in the Time Wars.

Did Q learn to be nice? Well, that's debatable.

THE  
END

Author's Note: Thank you, Mary, for all the help. I do not own the Muir family, Martha, or the Captain, ABC and RA Dick do. All Q are owned by Paramount, as is Spock and all Trek concepts mentioned. The Bolts, Stempel, and Biddie also belong to ABC and a nod is given to the novel Ishmael by Barbara Hambly, who brought Spock to that world. The BBC owns the Doctor, Charley, and the Tardis.


End file.
